Wednesday, April 14, 2010


So, I was supposed to get my internet speed upped the other day.  
but, instead, I got up and had no internet at all.

why is it - well, it's almost if the universe is saying ok, lets just see how much you can deal with since you decided to quit smoking - no really - but I'm not going to go into everything, now on day 9 - cigarettes are not my  friend, I have never considered them to be a friend, they are a drug - a very addictive drug -
I started using the nicotine patch on March 26th - this is 1st time, I've been able to use one 24/7 - and I didn't have super bad vivid dreams - some vivid dreams - but I was having dreams - not hallucinations like I've had in the past - so the dreams have been cool.
From the 26th through April  5th, I smoked about 1 cigarette a day - I know you aren't supposed to do that - but I did - except for 2 of the days - I smoked about 2 puffs of one on the 5th - and havent had any since!   I quit using the patch this past Sunday  evening - decided I need to just get the nicotine out of my body and as long as I keep using the patch and putting nicotine in my body, well, I'm just sort of dragging this out. 
It's now Wed - I could blow it sooooo easily right now - I'm trying really really really hard to not blow it!!!!  I need this to be done - there is stuff I need to get done that isn't getting done - but, it's sort of um well, I can either go out and do stuff and probably bum a cig from someone - or I can stay home, and bury my face in a pillow and scream, or go take a long shower and then brush my teeth and use the water pik for 10 minutes and then go bury my face and scream - or go to sleep - sleep seems to be a great solution to a lot of things right now - except that there are things that need to be done - so sleeping is not a great option - it's just that sometimes sleeping is the only safe option!!!
Changes - my sense of smell or sense of taste havent really gotten great yet - still  dealing with tooooo much of the icky stuff still - haven't been coughing, no runny nose, headaches, lots of headaches,  sometimes, my breain just shuts down - it's like I just can't deal with anything any longer and I have to just lay down for a while. 
Meanwhile, my right shoulder that I messed up a few weeks ago - is still messed up - finished up the cortisone - and the shoulder is still messed up - hot tub would be nice - but no, it's not working either!  Why is that as soon as the weather gets nice enough to really start using the hot tub - the hot tub becomes unusable. 
My skin - my face anyway - my skin looks so much better - the color is better - softer, smoother,
my ears don't have this dry flaky skin all the time any  more - they do have a couple of massive pimples -

my hair - which I chopped off on the 5th - it's about 3" long now - well, there were handfulls of it on the bottom of the bathtub the other day - strange - not sure I thought my hair would fall out when I quit smoking!!! But, yeah, I was rinsing out my hair after I finished my shower and there's all this hair on the bottom of the tub!!!!!!!

I don't know what is going on - I was sitting here working on some pictures when people from the complex came by - well I thought they had sort of walked past my apt and were looking at something next door when I heard a  voice say something about the wood and if it had come from the mountains well that's just inviting trouble and all sorts of bugs  blah blah blah - well come on folks there isn't any other place for the wood to come from around here except the east mountains!!!  Or maybe I should have it shipped in from one of the rain forests!!!! So, I'm not sure what is going on - my patio is actually somewhat neat right now - I do have a few things that don't really belong on there - but it's not all trashed out - my apt is a big mess - imagine moving all of your furniture into the middle of the room and then putting about half of it back but not all the way, and well you can start getting an idea  what my apt is looking like these days.   I mess up my shoulder and then the Dr says - you need to stop lifting things for a while - so everything is sitting in the middle of the room!!
The heffalumps continue to stomp stomp stomp stomp  - sometimes I can sleep for 3 hours withwout waking up, sometimes, I get 2 hours - if I'm really lucky I'll get 5 hours straight through without someone waking me up!!
yeah - I want to go do some damage to someone's face right now - doesn't matter who - anyone will do - all this from your peace loving hippie here!!the wall,  a car, a window, yeah I think sometimes going to sleep is a much safer option!!!!!  because I do not want to smoke - .......................................................................

I did manage to put together a kaleidascope slide show - it's on the bottom of the page here!!  check it out! 
I have managed to do a few pictures from 1 picture - I really want to put together some cool slideshows with these -

I'm trying to be zen about all this - and most of the time, I'm sort of ok - this is day 3 without the patch - in some ways - it's better without the patch and its a whole lot worse without it!!!!
I think once I get past today - maybe two more days at the most - I'll be on the upswing of it all! at least I hope so!!!!
I don't want to blow it - there are things I need to do - there are things I want to do - but you know what right now, I just have to get through this process - and so other things will take place as I can deal with them.
Here's Tweet-Tweet - I inherited her recently - she's 10years old - so she should fit in here with my 10 year old JazCat and me!!! 

He likes to hang out on top of her cage - doesn't try to get at her - he just likes hangin out there!! Tweet-Tweet will just go about her business and sometimes flap her wings and sscreetch at him - but she seems to know he can't get to her anyway.
I now have to go lay down for a bit before I go screetch at someone myself!!!
Have a wonderful day!!!!

1 comment:

Aunt Jane said...

Hi Dragon Lady Kris! It's me the other Dragon Lady. I read all of "Hangin In Here" and "Life Transitions" and found then very very interesting. I am quitting smoking, too! SO your writing on the process is very helpful. I am sorry you arent getting enough sleep. I wish you the very very best on everything. I hope your transitions in your life are going to be very very good. Me, well, I became suicidal. My son is still missing. I went to the psych hospital and now I feel much better with a med that is working for me. The pain and grief is a little further away... what a relief. I can breathe and am not crying all the time.
Very very interesting reads: All of your posts!!!
Yours Truly, The Libra Dragon Lady