Saturday, November 15, 2008

It's long and about a lot of things!

I know that in reality I really don't have a whole lot of visitors to my blog. And that's ok. Right now and for the past few weeks, I have been doing a lot of soul searching. I feel that's it's really important to divulge a few facts about me. I'm not divulging these things as a search for sympathy, empathy, or really even support. But, because they affect my ability to conduct business. I have also been having a major debate with myself about whether or not to post some political and not so political thoughts and articles.
The first job I had out of high school was working as a home health care aide - I was trained as a Nurses aide. I have worked in the health care field in different jobs for many years. But, one of the things that I taught was to not discuss politics with my patients or anyone else that would be related to that job. I have pretty much followed that teaching in every job I've had.
I have also not really been that big on following politics in general until this election.

What affects my ability to conduct business.
July of 2000, I was officially diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. Severe Fibromyalgia. I honestly believe I have dealt with this malady since my mid 20's - having flairs that would last a few weeks - to a month. I would go for several months to 6 months or longer and be ok, and then wake up one day feeling like I'd been run over or beat up! And then a week or two later I'd be ok again.
But, in July of 2000, that was no longer the case. The pain did not subside. And it was far more severe than any of the previous painful periods. Added to that was severe fatigue. I'm not talking about just feeling tired. But, the kind of fatigue where I'd be right in the middle of doing something and just fall asleep. It didn't matter if I'd had 6 hours of sleep, 8, or 20 - and sometimes I did sleep for almost 20 hours at a time. I could hardly stand to be touched. Just getting up out of bed and going to the bathroom was a major effort. Many days that was about all I could accomplish. I went to the Dr about every two weeks to get trigger point injections in my back - usually about 20 of them - the muscles in my back would spasm so bad that the muscles would just knot up and they also pulled my spine out of alignment.
After being pretty much bedridden for about 2 years, I saw a Dr who put me on Adderall - to counter the affects of the pain meds and the fatique. Along the way, I've done numerous physical therapy treatments. I've also had to deal with other health problems, some related to Fibromyalgia, a result of, or not even related, but sometimes complicated by it.
Two years ago, I told my kids that I was just beginning to feel like I was waking up from the worst nightmare in my life. Sort of like when you just wake up and your eyes aren't even open yet. Unfortunately, this nightmare wasn't a dream.
The overall pain from the Fibromyalgia has mostly subsided. The fatigue is somewhat better, but not much. I still deal with other health issues that I will have to deal with for the rest of my life - while not life threatening - they do occasionally interfere with my ability to get things accomplished. Probably at this point what affects me the most is the 6 (at last count) herniated discs from my neck to the middle of my back. I also seem to becoming more and more sensitive/allergic to meds, scents, foods. The reactions aren't just sneezing or itchy watery eyes, I feel quite ill when I have a reaction to something.
My dream, for many many years was to be an artist. Last Feb. I broke out my oil paints after not painting much for the past 8 years. After about 2 weeks, I realized that they were making me sick. I wasn't even using paint thinner. I tried again as the weather warmed up, and had the window open, a fan set so that it would blow the fumes away from me, but after a few hours I realized that I was feeling pretty ill. Sort of depressing.
But, being the tenacious person I am, and loving to do a variety of crafts I launched into other things.
I was delighted to find etsy. As I have gotten to know more and more people through etsy, I have realized that there are many people - sellers on etsy that have a variety of health issues - some severe to somewhat mild. I truly admire what some of these people accomplish.
Most of the time, I can get items mailed out pretty quickly. I try to keep things organized and my supplies ready. But, there are days when I just get knocked flat on my back so to speak - there are days when I can eat the same food that I ate the day before and it will leave me with my stomach cramping so bad that all I can do is to try to find a reasonably comfortable position and I just have to become a couch potato for a while. I don't have a car anymore, and going to the store often becomes a major ordeal that will often leave me wiped out for the next few days.
Being able to create things gives me some purpose in life. It gives me a feeling of being somewhat productive. There are personal things that have been left by the wayside, that I need to take care of at some point.
I have struggled, debated, with posting a blog about all this. I'm sure that are many many etsy sellers that have done the same.
I have really struggled and debated about posting anything political - and thought about making a whole new blog page - but I have a hard enough time keeping up with what I do have - adding one more is just out of the question. And besides, it's still me. I don't want to hide behind a different name.
I realize that there are differences of opinion, believes, but then there is truth.
I hope that in spite of our differences, we can find our commonalities, be respectful of each other.
We are all in fact human beings, and I believe we all are trying to do the best we can to make our own lives and our children's the best it can be.

5 comments: said...

I like your blog.

lisianblue said...

Thank You Paulo!

Wow a visitor from Portugal! how cool! ONe thing I love about the internet!

Anonymous said...

Reading your blog was just like reading about myself. I'm a librarian who is also a gourd artist. I basically am able to work through the magic of pain medication, but there are many days when I don't make it in. I, too, love flowers and have a yard full of them, including cannas. How can I see your art?

Aunt Jane said...

Dear Lisian Blue Dragon Lady,
This is a great and wonderful expression. I think you are speaking for a lot of people, including me, who can sometimes function and sometimes not! You have given some things to think about. Thank you thank you

lisianblue said...

Gwennol and my wonderful friend Aunt Jane -
I hope that in some ways, it helps. I know there are many people out there afflicted with a variety of ailments severe enough to make working difficult to impossible.
Eventually I will get a lot of this pent up stuff out and will write shorter blogs!
I appreciate both of you taking the time to read and reply!
Hugs to both of you.