HANGIN IN HERE

So, I was supposed to get my internet speed upped the other day.  
but, instead, I got up and had no internet at all.

why is it - well, it's almost if the universe is saying ok, lets just see how much you can deal with since you decided to quit smoking - no really - but I'm not going to go into everything -...............................so, now on day 9 - cigarettes are not my  friend, I have never considered them to be a friend, they are a drug - a very addictive drug -
I started using the nicotine patch on March 26th - this is 1st time, I've been able to use one 24/7 - and I didn't have super bad vivid dreams - some vivid dreams - but I was having dreams - not hallucinations like I've had in the past - so the dreams have been cool.
From the 26th through April  5th, I smoked about 1 cigarette a day - I know you aren't supposed to do that - but I did - except for 2 of the days - I smoked about 2 puffs of one on the 5th - and havent had any since!   I quit using the patch this past Sunday  evening - decided I need to just get the nicotine out of my body and as long as I keep using the patch and putting nicotine in my body, well, I'm just sort of dragging this out. 
It's now Wed - I could blow it sooooo easily right now - I'm trying really really really hard to not blow it!!!!  I need this to be done - there is stuff I need to get done that isn't getting done - but, it's sort of um well, I can either go out and do stuff and probably bum a cig from someone - or I can stay home, and bury my face in a pillow and scream, or go take a long shower and then brush my teeth and use the water pik for 10 minutes and then go bury my face and scream - or go to sleep - sleep seems to be a great solution to a lot of things right now - except that there are things that need to be done - so sleeping is not a great option - it's just that sometimes sleeping is the only safe option!!!
Changes - my sense of smell or sense of taste havent really gotten great yet - still  dealing with tooooo much of the icky stuff still - haven't been coughing, no runny nose, headaches, lots of headaches,  sometimes, my breain just shuts down - it's like I just can't deal with anything any longer and I have to just lay down for a while. 
Meanwhile, my right shoulder that I messed up a few weeks ago - is still messed up - finished up the cortisone - and the shoulder is still messed up - hot tub would be nice - but no, it's not working either!  Why is that as soon as the weather gets nice enough to really start using the hot tub - the hot tub becomes unusable. 
My skin - my face anyway - my skin looks so much better - the color is better - softer, smoother,
my ears don't have this dry flaky skin all the time any  more - they do have a couple of massive pimples -

my hair - which I chopped off on the 5th - it's about 3" long now - well, there were handfulls of it on the bottom of the bathtub the other day - strange - not sure I thought my hair would fall out when I quit smoking!!! But, yeah, I was rinsing out my hair after I finished my shower and there's all this hair on the bottom of the tub!!!!!!!

I don't know what is going on - I was sitting here working on some pictures when people from the complex came by - well I thought they had sort of walked past my apt and were looking at something next door when I heard a  voice say something about the wood and if it had come from the mountains well that's just inviting trouble and all sorts of bugs  blah blah blah - well come on folks there isn't any other place for the wood to come from around here except the east mountains!!!  Or maybe I should have it shipped in from one of the rain forests!!!! So, I'm not sure what is going on - my patio is actually somewhat neat right now - I do have a few things that don't really belong on there - but it's not all trashed out - my apt is a big mess - imagine moving all of your furniture into the middle of the room and then putting about half of it back but not all the way, and well you can start getting an idea  what my apt is looking like these days.   I mess up my shoulder and then the Dr says - you need to stop lifting things for a while - so everything is sitting in the middle of the room!!
The heffalumps continue to stomp stomp stomp stomp  - sometimes I can sleep for 3 hours withwout waking up, sometimes, I get 2 hours - if I'm really lucky I'll get 5 hours straight through without someone waking me up!!
yeah - I want to go do some damage to someone's face right now - doesn't matter who - anyone will do - all this from your peace loving hippie here!!the wall,  a car, a window, yeah I think sometimes going to sleep is a much safer option!!!!!  because I do not want to smoke - .......................................................................

I did manage to put together a kaleidascope slide show - it's on the bottom of the page here!!  check it out! 
I have managed to do a few pictures from 1 picture - I really want to put together some cool slideshows with these -

I'm trying to be zen about all this - and most of the time, I'm sort of ok - this is day 3 without the patch - in some ways - it's better without the patch and its a whole lot worse without it!!!!
I think once I get past today - maybe two more days at the most - I'll be on the upswing of it all! at least I hope so!!!!
I don't want to blow it - there are things I need to do - there are things I want to do - but you know what right now, I just have to get through this process - and so other things will take place as I can deal with them.

Here's Tweet-Tweet - I inherited her recently - she's 10years old - so she should fit in here with my 10 year old JazCat and me!!! 

He likes to hang out on top of her cage - doesn't try to get at her - he just likes hangin out there!! Tweet-Tweet will just go about her business and sometimes flap her wings and sscreetch at him - but she seems to know he can't get to her anyway.

I now have to go lay down for a bit before I go screetch at someone myself!!!

Have a wonderful day!!!!

LIFE TRANSITIONS

I think the computer, and the offending software has been remedied!  I sure hope so, although, there may be a few settings I may need to change as I come across them.....................................................................

I am in transition - I know don't where I am going tho.   I have options - just not sure which one of those options is going to play out at this point.  I'm a Capricorn.  I really am - and this cappy does not like being in limbo - some limbo, an exploration of sorts is ok - but not when I thought I had something figured out and then find out, I can't do that - well ok, but I'm just not sure where I'm going to end up - either across town or in a whole 'nother state!
However, I decided I want to share some things with the world out there - and I see even while I was off here I gained another follower, and I don't think I actually lost any - at least on here - so thank you! I was going to just address my current limbo - but some background info is sometimes a good thing. 

1989 - I was 36, divorced & 2 kids, and then eventually living with a man that I loved, and worked with.  Then, I was in a car accident - hit from behind - both kids seemed to be ok - they were both still so small, they were in car seats in the back seat of my bug - me, I had whiplash for the 2nd, 3rd, I don't know maybe the 5th time in my life.   It put me out of work for a while - and the man, he ended up moving to Texas because of his job,  we eventually split up.  I was still out of work - and on assistance - and then I realized I was in the perfect situation to go to school, and that's what I did.

1990 - enrolled in the community college with a full course of the basic required courses - went to school for one year - took off the next and worked part time for myself - went back to school, I started out with the idea of going into Occupational Therapy - well, the university here didn't have an occupational therapy program at the time, (but was working on it) then thought about Art Therapy - yeah you guessed it, it didn't have that either.  (again, they were working on it) Limbo!

One of the classes I took my very 1st semester was Small Group Communications - I fell in love with the teacher and the whole idea of really purposeful communication and all the ideas that went along with it - I took at least one communication class a semester or year for most of my remaining time in school.  After tossing around a few other ideas, I finally decided to go into Elementary Education.  Then I put my own limbo into action.   I entered into the BUS program (bachelor of university studies) with a concentration in art (drawing & painting), communications, and pshycology.   I didn't have a clue what I was going to do with it - but somehow had this trust in the universe that I would get where I was supposed to be.   Due to things with my children, my dad, my own health, I eventually started enrolling for 3 classes instead of 4, sometimes, just 2 depending on what was going on with everyone.   I graduated May 1999 in the top 2% of my class, a member of the Golden Key club, and a 4.gpa.  This from the person who basically  flunked her way through high school.  I started working part time my last year of school in a dept at the university doing a major web page developement.    But, I was graduating, the job was for a student employee.   They wanted to keep me, I wanted to keep doing it, so they made it into a real job, and after going through the actuall process of applying for the job along with people who were more technically qualified, I got hired. I got hired because of the art background.  The manager of the dept at the time figured it would be much easier to train someone to use the software to do the web pages than it would be to train a techy person aesthetics.  I had the art background and had already been doing the job for a year.  It was a perfect job for me, I got to use my design and artistic side, and the logic side of my brain.  This web site was much more than one page - it's huge and I built it from the bottom up - or maybe that's from the top down.   I got to keep learning new things, and most of the classes were paid for by the dept or by using $ I got for school from the school.  Most of the time, the classes were during work hours.  not bad.  Eventually, I got into teaching (evenings) I was teaching two different classes on a contract basis (along with my regular full time job) - teaching paid much better - and I was able to catch up on all my bills and actually had started putting money in savings toward buying a house.   I still had enough energy when I got home from work, I painted. 

2000 - summer - July, I think.  I was sitting at my desk, and could not stay awake.  I didn't have anything else really going on - no sniffles, no headache, my knee hurt - my left knee has been injured numerous times - but really not much going on - I had been feeling pretty good, life was good, I was swimming several times a week, exercising in the gym several times a week.   Somehow, I made it home, and went to bed, that was on Monday, I do remember that.  I finally made it back to work on Frid for part of the day.  I slept most of the time - and that's all I wanted to do - sleep.  Within a few weeks, most of my body - from my neck down to my feet was in extreme pain.  And I could not wake up most days.  My alarm would go off for minutes, it would wake up my daughter in the next room, but it wouldn't wake me up.  She would come in, shut off my alarm,  try to wake me up - I would not wake up - by Oct I was on medical leave - thinking that with some rest, I could go back to work in a few months. 

Jan 2001 - I resigned from my job - both jobs.  Diagnosis:  Severe intractable fibromyalgia. (think that's what my dr wrote) Pretty scarey.  I now had an adorable grandson, and my daughter to support.  My son had been living with his dad for a number of years by now.  We moved - quickly into HUD subsidized housing and I applied for Sec 8, disability, food stamps, and any other kind of assistance and help that was available.  My daughter started working part time at a grocery store as a bagger, and later for one my fav craft stores.  Although, in a lot of pain, I could manage to take care of my infant grandson for 4 -5 hours, and I had help coming in to help me with cleaning, and cooking for me, and helping to take care of me.  Eventually, we managed without her working and enrolled her in the community college (at 16) - I really wanted her in school more than working.

2002 - I moved into the apt complex where I still live.  My daughter and grandson moved into their own apt.   Outside - hot tub - the lady working for me would take me over there in my wheel chair - I started out exercising for 5 minutes every other day.  I was exhausted with just that.  After a few weeks, I was able to start slowly adding time and excercises to it.
Numerous physical therapy sessions for my back, the fibro, plantar fasciitis, plantar fasciitis surgery,  thousands of trigger point injections,  cortisone epidurals,  changing meds, almost dieing twice - somehow, I'm better.  The fibro is better - but I have osteoporosis, at least 6 (probably 8 or more) herniated discs, arthritis in most joints, GERD, and I cannot take prednisone or any form or cortisone without it playing havoc with my body.  I cannot take anti-inflammatory meds (NSAID'S)- they play havoc with my stomach. 

I am mostly sleep deprived these days - mostly because of the noise around me - and so - this is prompting my next transition - I have to get out of here - I wanted to move to an adult complex that has 2 nicely heated indoor pools - but they no longer take sec 8!!!! and then my daughter says - mom - how about you move up here - well, not sure that up there is absorbing sec 8.   there are options - I just don't know which one is going to happen yet -
anyway - I am working on going through my belongings.  I have a lot.  I have spent the past 6 years or so, buying things that I think I can do to sell to earn a little extra money or to give as gifts.  I have a lot of material - and now it's hard for me to sit and sew for very long. I have a lot of ornaments, those I can sit and do - but they don't really sell very well, the stained glass - well, it's sort of like the sewing - I can be up doing that for just so long before my back just won't tolerate it any longer.   I can only sit at the computer for so long - and then my back just won't tolerate it any longer.  I can only be up and around for so long, going through stuff, boxing it up and then I just have plant myself on the couch.   I often lose my balance.  When I 1st stand up after sitting I have to just stand for a minute before I can move -
I don't know what to get rid of.  do I get rid of all the little stuff and take the reasonably good furniture with me, do I get rid of most of the furniture and take all the material, yarn, glass, ornaments, ......................and the hard part, I live in a gated complex so having yard sales to the outside world is made a bit tricky.  some of it will go up for sale at some ridicously low prices in one of  my shops - soon I hope, I need to get pictures, but right now, it's all in boxes! 

This is not to elicite sympathy, but more of an explanation, I messed up on my last two orders, and I refused to  send out an order ( a very nice order) because I didn't like sending $150.00 worth of my handpainted ornaments out to someone and have them just left on the porch without a signature confirmation.  My daughter and grandchilren were here for about 10 wonderful days - then my computer went wacky!   It is in some respects an offer of hope to some degree for people with fibro - it does usually get better - and mine was really severe - sometimes, I get angry, sometimes I get sad - I feel like I lost almost 10 years of my life - I have refused to have pictures taken of me - those ads you see of people with fibro on TV - well, they look good, I look like I aged 10 years in one year after I got so sick.  I honestly believe I have been dealing with this horrid disease since my early 20's.  Not in the same way, but I really believe it's all been a part of the same thing.    I don't remember things, my brain still doesn't function as well as it used to, it's better, but not the same.  I have a hard time thinking of words, I have a  hard time spelling ( and I was very good at spelling), I try to write things -  it takes me 20 words to say something that could probably be said in 5 or 10 if I could think of the right word.  I have to go back through everything I write at least twice to make sure I got all the typos, put in left out words, take out extra words - I have an appointment the 1st part of May with someone to start exploring ways to get my brain functioning better.   I hope I can find an apartment with a very warm indoor pool so I can start swimming and maybe get my body functioning better.   

I could go on and on - but the back is "talking" to me and I need to try to get some sleep - you're comments are most welcome, and I appreciate it so very much if you have managed to make it through all this dribble.

Just one more thing - - I am now on day 5 - of nothing to smoke! I had my last cigarette Monday afternoon.  I have to celebrate every day I go without one - sometimes I have to celebrate every moment I go without one - because I frequently want one!
Have a wonderful day and a great weekend.

NOT ALL FIXED

Well, I thought I had it all fixed - but not completely!  Hopefully, it'll get it all straightened out soon!!!

COMPUTER PROBLEMS

Blah - I've been having some majoy computer issues - I think I have them resolved!!! I hope!!!
However, my apt in is in a state of total chaos!!! I bought some "new" furniture and am trying to reorganize things - will be listing lots of supplies for sale soon - need to make space............ and I plan on moving this summer, and need to lighten the load a bit!!!
I had a wonderful visit with my daughter and her two children this past week - nice to have my grandkids here for a while - and my daughter too!!!
Hopefully, I will get back into some sort of routine here again shortly.

SPTTIN & STOMPIN

I finally made it back over to my space after not being there since last July.  I quit going there because everytime I was on there my computer would get attacked.
As it is, I managed to get on to some site the other day and it got attacked - and then it's just been sort of messed up and my sleep has been really messed up - the people that live above me walk really heavy and are waking me up A LOT. I don't think I have ever been so sleep deprived. Even when I had a 2 year old and an infant I got more sleep than I can get with these people above me. I would switch my sleep schedule around to match theirs, but I can't figure out what theirs is!


and then the guy will open the door step outside and spit!

look, I've had throw up on me, spit up, peed on, pooped on, but this spitting stuff just grosses me out!

Might have something to do with almost getting spit on as I'm just walking out from the overhang just as someone is spitting from the 2nd or 3rd floor, but they can't see me under the overhang -

So, I wrote them a nice note asking them to please try to walk softer through the living room, and of course today during the day - I desperately needed a nap in the afternoon - they walked just heavily as they possibly could.

and then the guy walked outside and spit! I also asked him to please stop spitting over the railing in my note.

I canceled a large order last week that I probably wouldn't have if I hadn't been so sleep deprived, and then this week with my messed up computer and being so damm sleep deprived, I missed a message from a buyer who was having problems with the payment going through and wants the package to be at her friends by WED for a birthday present. I reduced the price a little more - it was on sale already - and told them I would get it ready tonight so as soon as the payment went through on Monday if they still choose to get it, I would get it in the mail asap going priority.

After this sale, I think both my shops are going on vacation, and I am only going to sell items that I need to just get rid of - supplies that I can't use - because I have to move this coming summer, I cannot handle living under these people any longer - as it is I'm stuck here until Aug 1st!

Unless I can sell enough to get up enough money to get out of my lease early!!! I would do it too - that's how bad it is!
so I'm off to get this windchime all packed up and ready to go out - hoping the person who wanted to buy still will -
and seriously hoping the people above me will walk quietly tonight so I can get some sleep!!

HAF Blog Ring Featured Artist Artshus by Violet

Not only does this artist create delightful art, she also has a creative name and a lovely web site - Artshus by Violet- as in art shoes or shoe art.   Karen, creator of Artshus paints some pretty realistic shoes.  The first time I saw one of her paintings, I thought I was looking at a photo of a shoe.  I admit, I'm not a shoe person, I don't like shoes, and they don't like me - but these shoes are beautiful!  Oh maybe these would work for me, I don't have to wear them, I can just sit and enjoy them.

Karen has this stunning red stiletto on her banner in her etsy shop, Artshus by Violet,  but you'll have to go look yourself.  Although I can show you one of her original paintings of this beautiful Pewter Stiletto, that is one gorgeous shoe!  Of course I'd fall flat on my face if I tried wearing a shoe like that.

This Vintage Velvet Pump is also an original painting, pretty amazing isn't it!!   

Karen also paints brooches, cards to canvases and murals.  If you're a shoe person or know someone who is, you've got to check out this artist's blog and shop.   And, she also does custom orders, so if you have a fav shoe you want a painting of,  this is the person to see.   Beautiful shoes!

Have a beautiful day.

ARTFIRE CRAZY TRAIN RIDER DESIGNS OF AVALON

Designs of Avalon is the current ArtFire Crazy Train Rider, who does some pretty amazing creations with seed beads.  Besides making some nice jewelry, this artisan also makes mosiacs with seed beads.  Such as this Pisces Zodiac Sign, she sells it framed, I'm just showing the picture unframed.  She has other zodiac signs too,

Not into zodiac signs?  Well then how about this Musical Heart Seed Bead Mosiac
or

Nefertiti-Cloeopatra Seed Bead Mosiac, you have to admit, that's pretty cool.
















Did I mention Designs of Avalon has some pretty cool jewelry too, so I highly recomend paying this studio a visit and see what treasures you may find.
Thanks for stopping by and have a great day.